Six Life Lessons: I Shall Never Forget the Day

"The greatest discovery of my lifetime is that

by changing my attitude, I can change my life."

MARY KAY ASH

I have been sorting through cupboards and old files this past week. Found all manner of kitchenware and items I haven't used in ages, which are now neatly packed in boxes headed to the thrift store when the weather warms up. I've also been culling my bourgeoning file of blog drafts—over 200, if you want to know. Some drafts were easy to delete, their 'best before' date long expired. But others, the ones where my finger hesitates over the delete key because there are nuggets worth keeping, these cling like Saran Wrap, unwilling to be discarded, gently urging me to do something with them, like maybe you should finish and post them, girlie.

In one of those clingy drafts, I once made notes for myself—a little list of aha moments that, when I looked back, had been life changers for me. Like Mary Kay Ash in the quote above, I'd come to see that when I changed my attitudes, made different choices, my life changed for the better, into something softer and more graceful. Today I offer you this once languishing draft, now spruced up into a new post, and I hope that you will find it has been worth saving.

One
'I choose happy'

I shall never forgot the day when... as a young woman, I sat enraptured listening to Miss America 1980, Cheryl Prewitt-Salem, as she spoke at a women's conference. She was our keynote speaker that weekend, and she shared in one session about how we as women have the ability to choose to be happy—to be happy any time, any place, and in any situation. Yes, even on PMS days and when things didn't turn out as we wanted.

The idea startled me. I went home empowered. Until that point I'd basically allowed the moods and their swings to run things in my life. I didn't know I could take charge of how I felt on any given day, that melancholy was not boss of me, that I didn't have to wait for a mood to pass before I felt happier. As I established this new habit, it was a struggle at first, but whenever I remembered I could choose how I felt, I always chose happy. It became the pattern of my life.

Two 
'I'm not indulging in Blue Mondays'

I shall never forget the day when... I stood mindlessly waiting my turn in the cafeteria lunch line at work, when it suddenly came to me that indulging in a Blue Monday—a day that was depressing or especially trying because we had to return to work and routine after a nice weekend—was a complete waste of energy. I didn't have to be a rocket scientist to realize that buying into that socially accepted gloom around the proverbial water cooler, I was wasting one seventh of my precious life.

My mom once shared with me that she used to loved Mondays when she was raising her family. After the busy weekend, she'd send her kids off to school and her husband off to work, and she looked forward to the day ahead where she could just get busy with her own work. Ha ! It really is all a matter of perspective.

Three 
'Freedom to choose'

I shall never forget the day when... I discovered these mind altering words in Viktor E. Frankl's book Man's Search for Meaning: "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way."

Frankl endured years of unspeakable horror in Nazi death camps during World War II. Through his own suffering and watching hundreds of people being defiled, demoralized, and tortured, he came to see that, "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."

Those words blew my mind. They changed my life. If this man, in those circumstances, could still recognize and hold onto that last of the human freedoms—the ability to choose one's own attitude—surely I could, in my own little world, make such a choice too. How many times since that long ago day have I remembered the tiny space in which I have freedom to decide how I shall respond.

Four 
'Gratitude changes everything'

I shall never forget the day when... I first learned how to keep a gratitude journal from Sarah Ban Breathnach. In her book Simple Abundance, which I happily discovered back in the 1990s, Sarah shared how she started a daily notebook and wrote down each evening five things she was grateful about that day. Taken with the idea of keeping such a record, I found a pretty notebook and tuned in to the world around me, much the way an artist might observe her world, so I could have something interesting to write down.

Everything around me took on a whole new meaning. I began to pay closer attention to things I had been taking for granted. I began to see how rich I truly was. Although I never kept specific gratitude journals after that season, the exercise forever changed my life. I am thankful to Sarah for introducing me to this grace of walking in gratitude.

Five
'Self pity is no party'

I shall never forget the day when... as a young woman, I'd watch my friends and siblings getting married, happy for them, but coming home to my single girl's bedroom feeling sad and sorry for myself. I'd mope around. Around that time I had been working on my attitudes. I used to imagine what heaven must be like in all its beauty, happiness, and perfection. It hit me one day. Heaven would not be a place where people had pity parties. Well, if it wasn't in heaven, I did not want any part of it in my life here on earth. (Based on the prayer of Jesus, 'thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven')

Self pity had been a buddy of mine. She used to come and sob with me, keep me company, but she wasn't helpful at all. As someone said, when you feel sorry for yourself, you exaggerate your misfortune, you experience a sense of hopelessness and victimhood. The day I slammed the door of my heart on it, declaring I would never host a pity party again, changed my life. Self-pity is addictive, and I remember it trying to come back in those early days, I had to be vigilant, to keep saying no. Eventually, with Divine help from within, I was free. I think I'm bearing truth when I say, I've never entertained a pity party since. If it ever showed its face, I'd just say no and it'd disappear. It's now been more than thirty years.

Six
'With vitality and good humour'

I shall never forget the day when... my sister shared a little story she had read about Julia Child's mother. Julia described her mom as someone who lived her life with vitality and good humour. Oh, how I liked that, those words resonated, for that's how I wished to live my own life—with that sense of aliveness to whatever life brought and to face it with a cheerful, amiable disposition.

It was a habit I had to learn.

There was a time years ago when I used to remind myself at bedtime that I wanted to wake up with vitality and good humour. It was during a dark season. The words must have hovered in the air overnight, for they were waiting when I woke up—reminding me not to get up on the wrong side of the bed. To this day, I bring out those words on occasion, especially when I find myself heading to a gloomier frame of mind. I still feel their strength in my soul as I ready myself for a new day.

 

* * *

"Last weekend a young man asked me how I remain so positive.

'It seems all the negativity in the world doesn't affect you,' he said.

I had no more than a minute with the young man so I offered this:

It's all about where you choose to put your attention,

and I choose to be happy."

JASON MRAZ 

It's not about ignoring the hard, ugly stuff going on around us; it's just that in order for me to get on with my day with any semblance of grace and with a sense of beauty—for that is what most inspires me to get out of bed in the mornings—I must be selective about where I keep my attention. And like Jason Mraz, I choose to be happy. I choose to cast all my cares upon the Lord of the Universe and then get on with my day.

* * *

On that note, I hope you enjoyed.

Wishing you a pleasant weekend.

Heart hugs,

Brenda

xox

Photos Credits: All photos from Pixabay.com

In My Small World, It's Still A Beautiful Life

"You may not control all the events that happen to you,

but you can decide not to be reduced by them."

MAYA ANGELOU

No matter how small my own world shrinks in the midst of this global pandemic, I am always on the lookout for something to open my eyes to wonder and gratitude. Now more than ever, it remains up to me to discover my beautiful life as I determine, in Maya Angelou's words, not to be reduced by the events happening around me. Saturday morning and it is another day in the middle of winter, in the middle of Covid-19, and here in our household where life is normally quieter and simpler than many households, our days have now been reduced to one day pretty much looking like another. Weeks melt into months and lines blur between weekdays and weekends. And I am glad there's no one to question my mental abilities, because some days I really do have to ask myself, so what day is it today, Wednesday, Saturday? Is it still January? 

Like many around the globe, the pair of us have been in semi-isolation for months because of government mandates and recommendations. As our personal world has shrunk, so too have our daily activities, outings, and in-person social connections. Rather than outside pursuits and social events filling our days, we have found ourselves needing to search for what gives us meaning closer to home, within our own four walls, from within our own minds. And, from our social media platforms, of course (wink).

Thankfully, I am reminded of those wonderful lines Rainer Maria Rilke wrote in his book Letters to a Young Poet. They once caused me to sit up and take notice when I read them as a young woman, and now they challenge me again:

"If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it; blame yourself,

tell yourself that you are not poet enough to call forth its riches; for

to the creator there is no poverty and no poor indifferent place."

RAINER MARIA RILKE  

As humans, we have a need for variety in our spaces, projects, foods we eat, people we see, places we visit. We get bored easily, and maybe now more so than ever. Without this variety, our memories easily melt into waxy globs at the bottom of our candlesticks. But for many of us, our usual former ways are not available at present. Rilke challenges the poet in all of us to search for new and different ways to enrich our own daily lives with substance and meaning.

Many of us, I believe, share a kindred similarity in how we fill in those quiet spaces: nature, sacred texts, beautiful poetry and comforting books, going for walks, taking photos, baking, writing, reveling in gorgeous pieces of music—for me often it's Mozart or Bach or Debussy, along with those rhythmic new-old sea shanties going round these days.

The following reminders help me to face mostly uneventful days with anticipation and cheer:

✧ Meet each new day as it comes—and as much as possible with humour and gratitude.

✧ Be silent—let silence make space to listen, and to hear.

✧ Listen to music with intention, not just as background to mask the silence.

✧ Watch for tiny gifts in nature that make you feel alive. Keep a list, write a haiku poem.

✧ Select one or two from the dozens of lovely images, stories, and quotes you mindlessly flip through on social media. Dozens become a blur—savour the one or two. 

✧ Keep some semblance of routine, e.g., if waffles and bacon have been your usual weekend treat, sure jog it up and have it as a surprise on a Wednesday on occasion, but mostly keep it as the treat that signals it's the weekend. 

✧ Go for a drive or a bus ride 'just because'. Watch the clouds, watch the people, enjoy the sparkling snow on evergreen branches and rooftops and fields. 

I mused to Rick the other morning that I now appreciate how dogs must feel when they hear the welcome words, Let's go for a car ride. When he tells me he's off to run an errand and do I want to come along for the ride, I almost feel my plumy tail wagging as a grin spreads across my face. Of course, I want to come with you, I say. It's the big event in our small world these days. And it's okay, even in the minutiae, life is still full of the good and the beautiful.

 

"...look carefully; record what you see.

Find a way to make beauty necessary.

Find a way to make necessity beautiful."

MAYA ANGELOU

* * *

I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Keep safe.

Here's wishing you beauty and heart's ease.

Hugs,

Brenda

xox

Top Photo:

"At the Breakfast Table with the Morning Newspaper"

Danish Artist Laurits Andersen Ring (1854-1933)

Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

Grateful for Words That Refresh

She read books as one would

breathe air, to fill up and live.

ANNIE DILLARD

Words have changed my world. The peace, tranquility, and joy I experience has so often come through the books I have read. I am in awe of writers and poets who—through their unique creative expression, discipline, and sacrifice—have enhanced my own life. Such a debt of gratitude I owe to them for finding ways to continually offer me light, hope, peace, insight, aha moments, and kindred connections. I ask you, what would we do without our books?

When I read something that grabs my heart, I'll jot it down in my journal. And if it turns out that there's too much I want to copy down, I'll try to purchase rather than borrow the book. Underlined and 'starred', these favourite passages become guideposts—tiny lights filled with inspiration and focus. I turn to them time and again when I need my imagination refueled.

Today, I offer a few lines I've gleaned from my reading since the start of the new year. These words ground me even as they add a sparkle to my current Covid-quiet life. I hope you will find a shimmer of inspiration for yourself, making today's visit worth your while.

Note: Below, I bolded the particular phrases that speak to me in this season. Do you have any particular words or phrases haunting your thoughts (in a good way, I hope) these days?

May you find sacred space and make room

for Holy Presence, and there find exactly

what your soul needs.

JOY B

Respond to the call of your gift

and the courage to follow its path.

JOHN O'DONOHUE

In truth, we don't know which of our acts in the

present will shape our future. But we have to behave

as if everything we do matters. Because it might.

GLORIA STEINEM

Everything we do ripples out through creation,

i.e., we are embodied in all creation and therefore

part of what we are goes back through all creation.

BODMIN HERMIT

What doth God require of thee but

to do justice and to love mercy, and

to walk humbly with thy God?

BOOK OF MICAH, OLD TESTAMENT

as shared by Anne Lamott in her book

Hallelujah Anyway, Rediscovering Mercy

I want to be famous to shuffling men

who smile while crossing streets,

sticky children in grocery lines,

famous as the one who smiled back.

I want to be famous in the way a pulley is famous,

or a buttonhole, not because it did anything spectacular,

but because it never forgot what it could do.

NAOMI SHIHAB NYE

lines from her poem "Famous"

Home is a symbol of the self.

Caring for home is caring for one's self.

GLORIA STEINEM

It doesn’t have to be

the blue iris, it could be

weeds in a vacant lot, or a few

small stones; just pay attention, then patch

a few words together and don’t try

to make them elaborate, this isn’t

a contest but the doorway

into thanks, and a silence in which

another voice may speak.

MARY OLIVER, "Praying"

 Maybe this is why we read,

and why in moments of darkness

we return to books: to find words

for what we already know.

ALBERTO MANGUEL

*

Reading gives us someplace to go

when we have to stay where we are.

MASON COOLEY

* * *

Wishing you a beautiful day.

Heart Hugs,

Brenda

xox

Photos: All Images from Pixabay

What Does Your Saturday Look Like?

" What can be better than to get out a book on Saturday afternoon

and thrust all mundane considerations away till next week. "

C.S. LEWIS

Good Morning, Saturday! Oh yes, what could be better than delving into a good book to while away a Saturday afternoon in the middle of January. Especially when our activities are still curtailed with Covid restrictions these days. As soon as this post goes up, I shall plant myself in our sun-filled living room with John Grisham's new novel A Time for Mercy. I like the title of this book, and my friend tells me it's a page turner. Looking forward to it. 

With just a few lines today, I'm sharing a peek into what my Saturday looks like—by simply using the letters that make up the word 'Saturday' as my prompt. Hope you enjoy. 

Skies are cloudless and blue this morning as the sun creeps over the horizon. Temperatures have been mild, but they are forecasting colder days ahead, so we have taken joy in this one. As I took my walk, the sun was already well over the hill by the community garden and the finches were singing their little hearts out. Passed one fellow walking with his sweet, friendly poodle. It all made me feel so glad to be alive!  

Appreciating my hubby for making us coffee and toast first thing. It's how we start our mornings—he brings the tray with our steaming cups back to bed, and we ease into our day. We are rarely in a rush to anywhere during these please-stay-at-home-as-much-as-possible Covid days. I certainly don't mind.  

Trying to start on my desired goal to detail clean my house before spring. It’s off to a slow start, I must admit. I finally got the Christmas decorations down. Now there's a pile of items to sort in the spare room and a pile of other 'this and that' on the table downstairs. Turning off the light, I come back upstairs. Haha. Maybe next week it will feel less overwhelming and I'll know just where to begin.

Undertaking a reading challenge for the new year based on a partial list by a local bookstore. I plan to do a post soon with that reading list. One of my long term reading goals is to read some works by or biographies of Nobel Prize winners. So many interesting people who have changed the world and influenced it for good. I really need to learn more about these amazing people.   

Reading Gloria Steinem's memoir My Life on the Road. I found these words on page 177 and am inspired to hold them close during 2021: "...In truth, we don't know which of our acts in the present will shape the future. But we have to behave as if everything we do matters. Because it might."

Delicious! This breakfast sandwich whets my appetite. I found the photo on Pixabay. Let's see: A crusty bun filled with crispy bacon, thinly sliced cheddar cheese and tomato, scrabbled eggs, and avocado slices. Do you see anything else? It really is too bad that I have neither buns nor avocados in the house; otherwise I'd be making these for brunch today. The ingredients are going on the shopping list for we must try this soon.  

Admiring and so grateful for Mozart's gift to the world. His music never fails to cheer my heart. I woke the other morning hearing something hum-ably Mozart in my mind—a familiar phrase from a piano concerto, I think. It made me smile. 

Yardsticks, yesterday, yearbook. Yachting, yearning, youthful. What good words to tuck away for our daily Scrabble games for two. We're pretty evenly matched, so one day I win, the next time he does. Since neither of us are by nature competitive, we might end up helping each other when our tiles really suck, casually dropping hints of possibilities we see on the board without actually knowing what the other holds for letters, although from the groans we assume they can't be good.

* * *

That's our Saturday—I hope you're having a pleasant one.

Stay well and safe.

Heart hugs,

Brenda

xox

(Top) Image by Terri Cnudde from Pixabay

(Bunwich) Image by Aline Ponce from Pixabay

The New Year: Comfort Food for the Soul

" If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy,

don't hesitate. Give in to it . . .

whatever it is, don't be afraid of its plenty.

Joy is not made to be a crumb. "

MARY OLIVER, Devotions, "Don't Hesitate"

I woke from a cozy sleep the other morning to find complete sentences for a new blog post forming in my head. Knowing how skittish these first thoughts can be, I flew to my desk—it was still pitch black outside, sunrise still an hour away—to catch the drift before it disappeared. They were thoughts about what's been giving me joy these past weeks, and the phrase 'comfort food for the soul' came to mind—those little things that fill my heart with joy.....watching the birds at the feeders, hearing their lusty songs on a winter's afternoon, feeling the comfort of wise words as they drop into my heart, disappearing into books with gentle stories or riveting tales. Not to forget my walks in the neighbourhood, tea and treats with Rick in the afternoon, Mozart on the radio, scrabble games, candles and twinkle lights at dusk, the smell of yummy things wafting from the oven, being amused by creative folks on social media, to name a few more.

Today I share four small graces that have soothed my days...with the hope they will add a moment of rest for you too as we wind up this first tumultuous week of 2021.

Dee Nickerson, British Artist

'Seed Catalogue'

Someone I follow on Twitter—@HWarlow—searches out beautiful art photos to share with her followers. Over the past months, I've been introduced to many delightful new-to-me artists and their works. When she posted this particular painting by British artist Dee Nickerson, I had such a longing to share it with you. According to a short bio I found, Ms Nickerson "explores themes of living in the countryside and activities she enjoys such as sewing, hanging out the washing . . . pondering life." I love that, while the garden outside is under snow, the woman inside dreams about her garden over seed catalogues. She sounds like a kindred spirit, don't you think?

" I said to the chickadee,

singing his heart out in the

green pine tree:

little dazzler,

little song,

little mouthful. "

MARY OLIVER, "October"

The chickadees are often at the feeders in our garden. I love to hear their cheeky whistles drift in the air. They always make me smile. Recently, Rick attached a feeder to our kitchen window. So far, only one fellow has braved his way over to snatch sunflower seeds. He pays no mind to eyes prying on the other side of the glass.

On Walking...

" If persisted in a remarkable change will result – a notable

clearness of mental power, keenness of appetite

and a zest for life's work. "

CLAUDE POWELL FORDYCE, Touring Afoot, 1916

Daily walks are an entrenched part of my life now. I usually go first thing and at this time of year, I'll often catch the sun skimming over the hill to the east. Nuthatches and finches sing, magpies chortle in the treetops as I pass beneath. I've learned to keep my eyes open on my now familiar route—watching for glimpses of heaven in unexpected places—one never knows what'll catch my eye, something I never noticed 'quite that way before': watching where the sun is situated in the sky each morning, how the shadows and light play together in tree tops, and of course, seeing dogs happy to be out for their walks too, with everyone keeping their social distance, although doggies aren't too particular about that protocol.

I find myself musing about a phrase I am wont to use. I tell Rick I'm off for my 'constitutional'. Apparently the old-fashioned phrase 'constitutional walk' was used in the early 1900s when referring to a person's constitution or physical makeup, so when a person went out especially to get fresh air and exercise, people termed it 'taking a constitutional walk'. Who knows where I picked up the phrase—probably some book I read—I like the old-fashioned sound of it.

And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: "Give me a

light that I may tread safely into the unknown."

And he replied:

"Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God.

That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way."

So I went forth,

and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night.

And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day . . . "

MINNIE L. HASKINS, The Gate of the Year, God Knows

I came across these lines from the poem The Gate of the Year years ago and often refer to them at the start of a new year—they help me to square my shoulders, reach out my hand for His, feel braced knowing I don't face any of it alone. 

Written by British poet Minnie L. Haskins (1875-1957) more than a century ago, the poem was originally titled God Knows. In 1939, King George VI included these lines in his Christmas speech to the British Empire. I can well imagine how their hopeful words caught the public's attention as they faced another world war. Today the poem is more widely known as The Gate of the Year.  I am grateful for it as we stare into the dark unknown of 2021.

Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you

shall form an invincible host against difficulties.

HELLEN KELLER

* * *

Wishing you gentle moments. Stay safe.

Heart Hugs,

Brenda

xox

Photos:

(Top) Image by congerdesign from Pixabay

(Dickerson Painting) Image found on Twitter

(Chickadee) Image by JL G from Pixabay

(Couple Walking) Image by Tookapic from Pixabay

(Walking Bridge) Image by Tante Tati from Pixabay