"I'm convinced that one mustn't wait for people to reach out--we must reach in." Jan Karon, author of the popular Mitford series
Sometimes we wait for someone else to invite us out for coffee, to notice we're having a down day, or to remember it's our birthday (see my note below). At a dinner party or Mary Kay Conference, we stand around hoping someone will come over and say hi.
Often that has a lot to do with our fear of rejection. I'm so afraid of being snubbed that I'd sooner stand there alone and miserable than risk going over and introducing myself.
That's how I used to be. Until I started paying attention to the wise words that perfect love casts out fear. We overcome our fear when we choose to forget about ourselves, and start loving the other person. Love being patient, kind, not rude.
When I focus on the other person's needs, my compassion for her makes me bold. Because love is kind, and I know what it feels like, I don't want her to feel that way. So I reach out to her.
I like what Jan Karon said -- we shouldn't wait for someone else to reach out to us. If you want to be a part of the group, then look for someone who is hanging back. Focus on making her feel more comfortable, and you'll forget about your own discomfort. Maybe you've been admiring something about her outfit...tell her and watch it change the atmosphere. The fear leaves, the rejection leaves, you smile, and you're left with a soft, beautiful sense of well-being for both of you.
We'll never be on the outside looking in when we are the ones opening the circle to welcome someone new into our lives. A circle that does not exclude, but is ever widening to enfold a new consultant, neighbour, co-worker, or fellow conference attender.When I started taking the initiative to reach out, I was amazed at how many new friends I was gathering around me. I love it. Talk about it changing my life for the better....and the more beautiful.
So...here's to ever widening circles of friends. And to all the wonderful people I'm honored to call friend now!
MY TIP ABOUT BIRTHDAYS!
My birthday is important to me. So, if I want people to remember it, I tell them. Simple as that.
People are busy...they forget...unless they have a great memory like my friend Terrill! You know how bad you feel when you've forgotten someone's special day. So be kind, remind them if you want them to remember it.
And if I want a party or have a hankering to attend a special concert, then I plan for that too and invite others to share it with me. Put a twist on the day.... make other people feel great on your day.... like your mom and dad, for instance (since they started the whole thing). Treat them for giving you life.
Some of my best birthdays have been the ones where I reached out and connected with others, including them in my day, in my circle of friendship.